Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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