he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
