was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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