There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
