i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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