is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
