I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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