You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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