Swine flu. Run for my life!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
