Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
