my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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