I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
