Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
