You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Too much gin, very little bucket
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
