Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
