I heard we made out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
