McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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