We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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