That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
