I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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