You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize