oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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