WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
