awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
