super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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