so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
