How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
