I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i have two assholes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
