So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
