I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
