shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
