I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
