i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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