Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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