We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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