The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You dont lie about slip and slides
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
