Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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