Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
