I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is Oprah even human
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize