He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
