Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
