an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
