This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize