mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
