did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
