Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
