Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize