Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
