Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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