THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
