Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
