sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
