16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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