brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
