I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
