I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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