everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
