I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
