I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
