:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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