i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize