I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
