im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize