3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
