When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
