I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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