and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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