i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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