I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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