Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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