remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
