Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
