I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
